"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud." ~(Coco Chanel). I work with a group of 12 year old girls which is no easy task. I remember being 12. I felt awkward, self conscious and knew that my mom just didn't understand how I felt. It's especially tough being at that tender age and having a parent that is not around. Teens today don't seem to suffer in silence though, like I did when I was that age. Many post their suffering on Instagram or facebook. The upside is that peers and adults can be alerted if a teenager is crying out for help. If you are a teen that has seen peers vent their emotions on those sites, then you know what I mean. Adults should be aware of the sites their children are using and keep a eye out for warning signs their child might be displaying in what they are posting. How can I also begin to address the way in which many young people are getting quick fixes of attention from these sites. Adults are recruiting attention from these sights as well. The attention can have an up side and a down side. The attention and popularity is fake...yes fake. It consists of a bunch of other self conscious teens and tweens using their phones and computers to elevate their own statuses. The attention is much like a movie star basking in the limelight only to realize at some point that they don't know who their real friends are and that all of that attention doesn't make them feel any better at the end of the day. Genuine self worth comes from within, not from a bunch of "likes" on Instagram. How do you build self worth from within? First, you stop being fake. If you are people pleasing, you are being fake. You are showing people what you want them to see to get approval but then you end up fearing that you are a fake and someone will figure you out. You'll continue to up the ante....until you've lost touch with any shred of who you really are. So first step...stop people pleasing. What's the worse that can happen? People will get mad at you? Maybe that needs to happen so that you can start confronting what you are really feeling. Second, start talking about what you are feeling. Talk to a friend, a family member, a parent or a counselor but talk to somebody. Start doing things that you love. If you are always following the crowd to make others happy, be bold enough to go into a new direction. Follow your bliss, so to speak. When you were little you automatically did that. Four year old will lay down and throw a tantrum if they can't do what they want or get what they want and they always know what they want. Do you know what you love and what you really want anymore? Also, don't sulk and rebel either as a form of lashing out. It only hurts yourself. I'm sure you know adults who exude misery. Do you want to be around them? Well, people don't want to be around you if you are miserable, rolling your eyes or being disrespectful and mean. Take responsibility for your happiness and do something about it. Being a teenager is not an easy age. Ask any adult...and I mean any adult about their junior and high school years and some adults might even tear up immediately. Many adults who are angry and tough just numbed their adolescent pain and have probably never ever healed from it, let alone dealt with it. Heck, many adults never got off the adolescent path of insecurity or people pleasing and they either continued on that track or turned into bullies....tormenting others to have some control. Many adults are just wounded children and teens underneath that adult exterior. Some of the most wounded teens have ended up very successful, egotistic adults....still trying to prove that they aren't the awkward, geek they felt like in high school. If you think that adults don't suffer from fears, worries or doubts then you'd be very wrong...the insecurities are still there, just over different things. The trick is to feel more empowered. The key...be genuine, allow yourself to feel, dare to follow your own path and learn coping skills to feel more empowered. "I am no bird; and no one ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will." ~ (Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre).
